Hobbies and Mental Health
Piano is one of my favourite hobbies, I'm mostly self taught (had some lessons as a kid but now I teach myself) and it's the best way I have of focusing on one thing and shutting out the outside world. I played piano for my high school's production of the musical Oklahoma! this year. I haven't touched my piano since those performances (late Feb - early Mar), and I haven't played any pieces besides those from that show since last Christmas. School did get busier and I've been more tired, but the main reason for that lack of playing is because my mental health took a few steps backwards.
It's ironic, because piano is a really good way for me to relax and take care of myself, yet this dip in mental health ended up making it nearly impossible for me to do more than sit there and feel like I can't play anything well enough to bother. Of course I knew logically that the longer I didn't play for, the worse I'd get, and the harder it would be to get back to the level of musicianship I was once at, but mental illnesses don't really like listening to logic.
Worry not, this story has a happy ending. I'm not sure why or how, but last night I sat down and tried to play a song which I do not have the sheet music for, but which I had memorized for a long time, but I had forgotten it and couldn't get past the third measure and gave up, went to bed. Today I went to my friend's house to rehearse for a project I have in band (I play tenor saxophone for that), and we ended up having such a fun time just playing jazz music and screwing up and making those screw ups absolutely hilarious and fun, that I got home and ended up sitting back down at my piano.
I could just feel something good was going to happen, so I quickly threw together a recording system and decided to record whatever happened. I didn't plan on posting anything, but I feel like this is such an honest view into how mental health can really impact your life in a nonsensical way, how it can be really difficult to find your way out of that, yet how perseverance can pay off.
None of this is edited, all of this was my first attempt at each piece in months, or in some cases over a year. Of course this means they're riddled with mistakes, there's no way after such a long time I'd be able to play perfectly, but being able to stay in that chair and keep playing despite all those mistakes is such a massive accomplishment for me and my unhealthily perfectionistic mindset, so I figured I'd share this to show that nothing is impossible.
This first one is Bach's Prelude in C major. I love playing it just to feel better about my abilities because even here, when I'm sightreading it for the first time in months, it doesn't sound horrible.
This one is Butterfly, the OST of an anime show. It's Animenz's transcription, I absolutely love his work. Sightreading is hard work for this one but it was worth a try.
This one is Time by Hans Zimmer, from the movie Inception. My hands have lost their dexterity so in the middle I couldn't really play all the sixteenth notes, but you gotta start somewhere to begin improving again.
Für Elise, one of the most common songs ever. I used to be good at it, but alas, time wears away at skills. I forgot about one of the parts so at the end I just ran through it again and impulsively did something cringey.
Nuvole Bianche by Ludovico Einaudi. Honestly this is my favourite piece to play, it's so much fun, but again, I haven't played it since Christmastime.
Hopefully this just goes to show that anything is possible, and sometimes you just need time to get there.
It's ironic, because piano is a really good way for me to relax and take care of myself, yet this dip in mental health ended up making it nearly impossible for me to do more than sit there and feel like I can't play anything well enough to bother. Of course I knew logically that the longer I didn't play for, the worse I'd get, and the harder it would be to get back to the level of musicianship I was once at, but mental illnesses don't really like listening to logic.
Worry not, this story has a happy ending. I'm not sure why or how, but last night I sat down and tried to play a song which I do not have the sheet music for, but which I had memorized for a long time, but I had forgotten it and couldn't get past the third measure and gave up, went to bed. Today I went to my friend's house to rehearse for a project I have in band (I play tenor saxophone for that), and we ended up having such a fun time just playing jazz music and screwing up and making those screw ups absolutely hilarious and fun, that I got home and ended up sitting back down at my piano.
I could just feel something good was going to happen, so I quickly threw together a recording system and decided to record whatever happened. I didn't plan on posting anything, but I feel like this is such an honest view into how mental health can really impact your life in a nonsensical way, how it can be really difficult to find your way out of that, yet how perseverance can pay off.
None of this is edited, all of this was my first attempt at each piece in months, or in some cases over a year. Of course this means they're riddled with mistakes, there's no way after such a long time I'd be able to play perfectly, but being able to stay in that chair and keep playing despite all those mistakes is such a massive accomplishment for me and my unhealthily perfectionistic mindset, so I figured I'd share this to show that nothing is impossible.
This one is Butterfly, the OST of an anime show. It's Animenz's transcription, I absolutely love his work. Sightreading is hard work for this one but it was worth a try.
This one is Time by Hans Zimmer, from the movie Inception. My hands have lost their dexterity so in the middle I couldn't really play all the sixteenth notes, but you gotta start somewhere to begin improving again.
Für Elise, one of the most common songs ever. I used to be good at it, but alas, time wears away at skills. I forgot about one of the parts so at the end I just ran through it again and impulsively did something cringey.
Nuvole Bianche by Ludovico Einaudi. Honestly this is my favourite piece to play, it's so much fun, but again, I haven't played it since Christmastime.
Hopefully this just goes to show that anything is possible, and sometimes you just need time to get there.
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